This was my favorite view of the lunar eclipse: my friends. Sure I see them more everyday but they're much more entertaining than the moon.
Pictured above is Randy sleeping, James getting cold, and Angel on the phone.
This picture is of Mike G. A friend from Cebu. (We hardly talk though)
Okay lonely time over.
I did get to watch the lunar eclipse. That was fun.
I also got my package of clothes from the Philippines. I’m soo happy I get to have these. Mom did a good job in grabbing all the Oxygen trinkets she could get her hands on. Hmm, most of the stuff she gets me nowadays is from Oxygen. And, well, I can’t really complain. Oxygen’s okay. I’m more of a People are People and Isis kind of person, y’know? It’s still very edgy and none of these people have seen the stuff that was sent over here.
Look, I got some Myx shirts and well, I would normally NEVER wear Myx shit cause it’s just so cheap and everybody wears it. It’s like the Anchor Blue or Old Navy of the Philippines. It’s the stuff that you see in stores like Target. Everyone knows where you got them because they most likely got the exact same thing. But I’m so happy with my Myx shit. They’re actually pretty decent and just as long as nobody else has them, I’m fine.
Oh vanity, bittersweet vanity. Hahaha.
That’s not to say though that you can’t get good fashion here in America. It’s just really hard to find and really expensive. The graphic design of the Philippines was mostly excrement-smelling-pieces-of-junk (just had to say that) but the higher quality of fashion was always more accessible.
I was just reminded about my big plan when I first got here to drag a couple of friends back to the Philippines and just show them around town. Hopefully pull a couple of strings and ask some people to get me some connections. I actually had a dream about it last night. It was me, Randy and later on James. For some reason James kept getting blonder as the dream went along. I dreamt about going to the Loft (I think that’s what it is) and seeing that absolutely nobody was there. I was so disappointed because it was Randy’s first time at a club and I wanted him to party until he dropped dead (not literally).
Sigh.
Y’know, as I write this, I just wish that I could have spent more time worrying and just living up to the potential that I had in the Philippines. Although I do understand I really wasn’t as socially capable as I would need to have been but still, I wish I did more. I wish that I could’ve gotten over the shame that I was not in America, just stop worrying about stuff and just live a little.
But no regrets, I love the life I lead in the Philippines. I didn’t really live as much as I could have but I lived a lot. I’m very proud of the life I had in the Philippines. And I don’t want to do what I did in the Philippines. Just because this place is not living up to my expectations or what I’m used to, that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t live as much as I could. I actually have lived more here than most of my life in the Philippines. With the exception of my INH days and my surgery, I have never felt more alive in my life.
No worries. No regrets. No biggie. I’m going to have a big celebration this weekend because it’s my birthday and that’s really quite enough. Party life really isn’t everything and seriously, it’s not even really my time to party yet.
Besides, there’s always that party trip back to the Philippines.
My grip on reality is very loose today. I feel so distant from everybody. No one really understands what I go through. I thought someone did but I don't really think that anymore.
Why does this happen to almost everyone I meet? Why does it get so hard later on to just keep the people I want to care about? Why do I end up feeling so distant that I cannot relate to anybody anymore?
I feel so bad. This problem sounds like something I should have already gone through.
Well, I don’t really know what to write right now. I planned to write about what happened earlier this evening but nothing’s really coming to me. I can’t really organize the things I want to say about what happened.
I’m basically upset, and most of it is my own doing but, I don’t know… it’s complicated.
I found out that I’m not going to be co-facilitator at PI anymore and now I’m upset. What am I going to do with PI, now? Okay, I get it that I don’t have to be a co-facilitator or someone important to be a contributing part of PI but it’s not like that’s an easy for me to let go of. I’m not used to being someone that’s not important. I have always been someone important. I’m a Domondon, for god’s sake. Being important is what we do. We’re a clan. We may not be one of the richest families but we’ve always held positions of authority, trust and responsibility. We’re not just a family of doctors; we’re a family of medical directors. All of the children have become student body officers – some presidents even. We’re leaders and very proud of it. So being important isn’t some hobby I like to do once a week, it’s who I am. I can’t really just “be.” If I were to really just “be,” then I’d be someone important!
Earlier tonight, James made a comment and tried to convince me to just let it go; like it was that easy. Actually, in his defense, he meant that I transcend what was bothering me and just be present in what was happening at that moment. And although I trust James and his friendship – I know that he holds no malice towards me, but I thought that the comment he made was very snide and uncalled for. He may understand what it means to have something great in him and the expectations that you can hold to yourself by having something like that, but I don’t think he understands what it means to have the conscious need to be great, to be a leader, to be important. I don’t think he understands what it like is to have that conscious need for as long as I have, and that’s a very long time. I don’t think he understands what it is like to have that as a birthright and as such, to never then have the excuse to being less than what you are meant to be. He doesn’t understand how I have faced that burden.
I guess I’m still really angry at the comment. I’m also still very angry about him telling me to basically just let it go, like it was such an easy thing for me to do. I feel that that was uncalled for. He doesn’t understand me enough to say something like that. I know that I can’t really get angry at James. He didn’t mean me any harm. All that came from his mouth came from a place of friendship. He just doesn’t understand.
No one really does.
Would that be a sign that I’m going crazy?
Y’know something? That’s not even really half of what originally bothered me about not being co-facilitator. I would’ve said something about it but it was already too much. I’ve already said a lot and at the time and it seemed like they were pissed that something like that got in the way of the evening.
Y’know what? I don’t even really feel like talking about the other half right now. I’m really not proud of what I have to say about it and I haven’t really resolved it yet...
It’s just that now that I’m not a co-facilitator, it’s going to be really hard for me to go to PI because I wouldn’t be obligated to play a role like that. And I just can’t really relate to most of the PI kids now. And my calling them kids is a testament to that. I feel like I’ve come to a point in my life where I matured to pursue the next step. What the kids are going through, I’ve already gone through and I just want to move on to the next thing to do.
James made a comment that I thought I was better than them. And that is not true at all. God knows I really care and I really have the utmost respect for those kids. But I can’t relate to them anymore. I’m going on to different things and conversation just turns into mush because I really can’t relate. I’m not proud that that’s the way things are but they are. Lord knows I try to do something about it and that I keep myself in the group even during the times when I really don’t want to.
And it’s not like this is something I wanted. I feel very ashamed that this is the way I feel about those wonderful kids. I feel bad that I feel such a great distance between me and them. I’m angry that that’s the way it is. I don’t even understand how I could really feel that way.
It was just a few months ago when I first came to PI and I was just overwhelmed with such gratitude that I was in the group and that I had so many people I could relate to. I was so happy to just know these people and how they opened their arms to me and how easy it was to be their friend. I remember the elation I had, the pure euphoria I felt when I was with these people. I remember the great conversations I shared with them. Hell, I have found the best friends I have ever had in my entire lifetime at PI.
And now what? I feel so different. It’s only been a few months and I feel so different. Why? I hate this. I thought I had something really going on and maybe I still do. But I can’t feel it anymore. It’s so hard for me to relate with them; and in such a short time, too. Again, it’s only been months! My goodness, is that how it’s going to be with everybody I meet?
I feel so bad about it. I feel like I’ve betrayed them somehow. I’m also scared that this is what is going to happen with everyone I meet.
And I think I’m better than them? Hmph, how can this be any better than them?
Being co-facilitator meant that I somehow still got to stay around and relate to them. Being co-facilitator, to me, meant that I was still part of the group. Because that’s the only way I can be part of the group, as some sort of leader. And now that that’s gone, I’m faced with being a part of the group the hard way.
Well, yesterday was the first day of school. I also have a couple of other new classmates. Including this really adorable person who's just getting into graphic design and wants to get into the military. You'd think that he'd be all machismo but he's really sweet. He smiles a lot, too. I think I have a little crush on him. Haha.
I'm really excited about this semester. I'm enjoying all my classes so far and I'm really excited for the two more that I'm going to take. I got a full load of classes and it just feels awesome. I notice myself getting more social these days. I'm just really happy I'm in college. Finally, I'm in college.
The first class I got to was English. The teacher seems helpful enough. Her arm's in a cast, though. Not much happened in that class. I sat next to this slightly older woman named Tracy. She was interesting. I think I have her number around here somewhere. She was really kind, letting me share her syllabus for the time being. I didn't even know what a syllabus was until that day. We had to introduce each other, although I was hoping to get to know someone else in class, particularly the guys.
The thing that's kinda bad about the class is that it's unfortunately not college level English. What that means is that, well, let's say that most of the class is really into sports. Well, I can't really complain 'bout that. I did have to take a couple of years off English and I am from another country.
I did get to chat up this very interesting person after class, though. Her name's Lucia and she was late, that's unfortunately how I remember her. Other than that, she's from San Diego. She's a little bit older than most of the class, she's 30. She's Spanish-Taiwanese and she's traveled throughout the world. I don't really know how far she's traveled but she did mention being in a couple of Asian jungles.
The next class I had, which was all the way into the afternoon, was Typography. This is my favorite class so far. I get to have Barbara again and she's fun. Enough said. A lot of my old classmates from the summer graphics course are there as well, even Audrey. "Buddy..." Hahaha.
Another interesting classmate is Matt. He was adopted from South Korea., he lives in Healdesburg, and he can run a 5:30 mile. He's got a sense of humor. He actually kinda strikes me as the guy that didn't really get anywhere in high school but now that he's in college, he can rule the scene.
Oh and one of my classmates has a Filipino fiance. You know that such a thing is true when he complains about eating rice in every meal.
And lastly, there's Michael Barnes. Who I thought was in my English class. He's not. I just think that there's another Michael Barnes in my class. I wonder if that's true or if I just imagined things. I'm going to find out about that tomorrow.
Oh, I almost forgot. When I first came to the lab, I saw someone who I instantly recognized from Aroma's a lot. I thought, "This is cool. I wonder if he's a designer." So I chatted him up before class. He's actually kinda cool in the way that you know he takes himself seriously. You'd know the type: all black outfit, very professional, nice leather shoes, belt and messenger bag, wears sunglasses as much as he can. Metrosexual, that's the word (I hate that word, btw). He's not really a designer. He does websites. He actually left in the middle of class. That's too bad, I would've gotten a different connection to the Aroma's scene.
Aaaanyway, I really love my Typography class. I am really excited about this. Graphic Design is something that I'm good at. And I love learning more about it. It's just a great creative environment, a great community. And I love interacting with my Typography classmates because I just love the graphic design environment. It's just amazing.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
So anyway, today was one of my less demanding school days. Today was just Math. I was concerned about the class, I was expecting something like my English class. It was thankfully not the case. Although I think I sat at the wrong side of class. I swear, I was surrounded by beau coup girls. They were smart, though. I have to say that. They're beau coup girls but they're smart beau coup girls.
I did get to bump into a classmate after class as I was getting my ID. His name's Ryan and he just moved here six days ago. Six days and he's already in class. That's pretty amazing. He moved from uhm.. Moneray? I don't know how you spell that. It's a rual beach community. Which sounds fun, much like back home. He seems to be already established here. He's even going to the city on Thursday to party.
Oh and as I was explaining what language we used back at the Philippines, this girl behind us giggled and I asked her if she knew what I was talking about. Turns out she did. Her name's Rose (later known as Roseanne) and she's originally from Tarlac. I told her that that's where we gas up on the trip to Manila.
All in all, it was a great day. I can't wait for tomorrow.
Well, I don’t really feel like posting anything right now but I might as well do it now before I change my mind and not post this at all. This is another piece I made in Saturday’s art therapy group. Here, I had to scribble with the thought in mind that some part of my body was telling me something. And, well, of course I knew it was going to be my feet because they’re usually in constant pain and whatever happens to my feet takes up a lot of time in my day. The first thing I scribbled was the black; hard, sketchy, angry and concentrated on the bottom part of the page. A couple of strokes went up, as if they were trying to not only grab what was out there but also expel something from where they came from. I saw this as my feet’s complete anger and frustration; or maybe even my anger and frustration towards my feet. The lines, to me, seemed to be full of rage and were trying to act out and throw a tantrum. A couple of minutes into this, I saw how it was just very dark and very one sided. I couldn’t have just allowed that. So I took some yellow and started striking down towards the black mass on the bottom of the page. I thought, “I’m sending down some positive light into this darkness. Feet, I want you to stop throwing that tantrum and start doing some good.” After that, it just felt right to put some red in there. I love the color red and I signify a lot of power, importance and greatness to that color. And it was just coming out and coming out and just coming out. And I viewed that as progress. Then, I guess, I saw my actions for what they really were. I saw that instead of flowing the yellow gently, soothingly, into the black, I was throwing it down, hammering the black with the yellow, trying to force it into submission. I was sort of nagging the black with so much “positive” that it would just shut up and just make some progress. I then saw that the red that was coming out really wasn’t a color of progress; it was more of a reaction to what I did to the black, and or rather how I did what did to the black. And now the image was chaotic and had turned into a huge fire. So lastly, I got some orange, what I thought to be a more peaceful color and stroked across the black. It was some sort of binding to the black. Just making it stop, calling for some peace. When Sil asked me what kind of message I got from this process, I already sort of knew exactly what my feet wanted to say. I wrote down “I want to move on.” The whole process was interesting. I already knew that I had a very angry relationship with my feet. I just didn’t know how angry we both really were. As I told the story of what happened in my scribbling, I realized that my feet were just as mad as I was. My feet were screaming in pain, hurt and rage. They were angry at me because of what I did and I was angry at them because they just weren’t cooperating with me. They were disobeying me. And we were starting to place some blame. Inside, I was going, “This is all your fault. You’re not getting with the program and look at where we are.” And they were going, “Well, you put us in this much shit to begin with, asshole. How can you expect us to get with the program?” This has been going for a very long time. And sometimes we’d both make some progress and we’d get through a lot. But then they would disappoint me and I would get angry and the process would surface again. We’re both in this aggressive and violent relationship and we both just want it to stop. But I am the person with the feet. I’m the one making the decisions and I am the one responsible for what happened to me and my feet. I did choose to go for the surgery and I chose the parameters on how I went through it. I made the decisions from the surgery all the way past the physical rehabilitation. I am accountable. And all this time, I have not been kind to my feet. I have never really thanked it for going through something of that magnitude. We’ve been through so much and I haven’t really appreciated that. I haven’t really acknowledged what my feet have done for me. “I want to move on.” Me, too, feet. And I want to start by saying I’m sorry. You have brought me through so much and together we’ve accomplished something amazing. I have been very cruel to you. I tortured you, demanded so much from you and I still haven’t taken good care of you. But you still got me to where I wanted to go. In fact, you’re even starting to run. And for that I thank you. Thank you, feet. Thank you.
This is Madge.
She's the real boss of the office
She listens to punk rock and reads whatever Oprah tells her to.
Gary, her boss, pays her twice as much as the other secretaries in the building
Next year, she'll be taking up the clarinet
This was a piece I made on yesterday's art therapy group. We were supposed to just scribble a little and find the image within the scribble. Then, we were going to write down a story about that image.
I think that this piece is a testament on a part of my creative process. When I usually make something and I put my heart into it, I love making stories and just building up characters. And the way I build characters is just try to make a background story for them. I love doing that and I usually do that by finding something very individualistic about that person and just bringing it out.
Which, I guess, is a testament on my interest and how much value I put on people and human beings. I am a graphic designer because of my massive interest in understanding people and what stories they have to tell, what is it that they need to communicate.
I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.
We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be!
We know things are bad - worse than bad, They're crazy!
It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone!' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone!
I want you to get MAD!
I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.
All I know is that first you've got to get mad!
You've got to say, "I'm a HUMAN BEING, GODDAMNIT! My LIFE has VALUE!!"- Howard Beale, Network (1976)
So earlier today – which would technically be yesterday – I went over to Coddington to buy a pack of oil pastels and meet up with James. There was a video that he wanted me to see. It was interesting and well, if James is able to get online and give me the link to the video, I’ll post it right away. The information here is basically nothing new. Although it’s more concise and there are things that I can write down and look up for myself if they are accurate. Or rather, they’re things that James can write down and I can wait for him to go ahead and do research on them. It was also very frank. There wasn’t much emotion behind it other than the clips of “Network,” a 1973 film that I have to go borrow in Netflix now. All in all, I found it very interesting and what I basically got out of it was an affirmation in my belief in Principles, basic natural laws of how the world works that go beyond law, religion and so on and so forth. Those laws are, to me, the testament that there is a God; and that he loves his people, all his people, Christian or otherwise. Also, I feel very liberated now that I see the Christian religion for what, I believe, it truly is. I don’t feel guilty or bad for the things that I believe that aren’t traditionally Christian (although I personally think that they’re very Christian and that Christianity should rise up and claim these beliefs as their own… but that’s a different discussion). I wonder about what I have to do now that I did watch this video. I know for one thing is that I’d have to change my personal mission statement. Not that I think it would basically transform every aspect of it, it’s just that I based what I wrote on that paper on the world as I knew it. And now that my definition of how the world is has changed, I think that my mission statement would have to change. I do have to put into consideration that I am not fully independent yet. I see how important it is for me to make a contribution and basically do good for the community as a whole, I have to start with myself first. I can’t make the decision to go to a higher state of maturity if I am not in the level of maturity right below that. I also was reminded about the work that needs to be done with The 7 Habits. I feel the need to go ahead and teach someone about these principles and about maturity. I feel like I should tell someone about the how they can live the life they know that they're supposed to live. I dunno, The 7 Habits is the biggest thing I have now and just makes everything make sense. And after reaffirming my belief in the basis of those concepts by watching this video, I just want to share it to the world.
I thought that a great way to begin this blog is by mapping out where I pretty much am, psychologically. So I took this test, again.
This, I believe, isn't of course a 100% accurate and I do believe that in the following weeks will change dramatically. I don't think I would've gotten the same results 2 weeks ago. But it's pretty damn close to where I am right now and I think it'll be great to see this in the future.
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 73% Stability |||||||||||||||| 63% Orderliness |||||||||||||| 53% Accommodation |||||||||||||| 56% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76% Mystical |||||||||||| 50% Artistic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Religious |||||||||||||||||| 76% Hedonism |||||| 30% Materialism |||||||||||||||| 70% Narcissism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70% Work ethic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 70% Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 50% Need to dominate |||||||||||||| 56%
Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63% Avoidant |||||| 30% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56% Wealth |||||||||||||| 56% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 63% Change averse |||||||||| 36% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50% Individuality |||||||||||||| 56% Sexuality |||||| 30% Peter pan complex |||||| 30% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical Fitness |||||| 30% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 56% Paranoia |||||||||||| 50% Vanity |||||||||||||| 56% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63% Indie |||||||||| 33%
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Well, I guess I'm at another point in my life where I feel the need to blog about my life. It's been roughly almost 6 months since I moved here to California and my college classes start this coming Monday.
So Welcome, I hope that this will turn out to be something good.
As tradition, I think I'd like to post this song again:
Intro
I'm gonna make the whole world do it
I'm hustlin' and take 'em by the heart
Won't suffer from the light
Not even for one night
You know there's no reason for alarm
Never to late, the sun don't love the day
And I'm not here just to play
No, no, no
You try to make the whole world do it
You hustlin' and take 'em by the arm
Don't suffer for the light
You know there's no reason for alarm
Never to late
To sing unto the day
I'm not here for to play
No, no, no
>>
M Domondon
September 3, 1988
Santa Rosa, CA
>>Graphic Designer
Peer Counselor
Self-Proclaimed Genius
