"We had a h---- of a time here", originally uploaded by Miss Magnolia Thunderpussy.

So much has happened and I don’t really want to relive the whole week again so I’ll keep this short and sweet.

Last Thursday, JJ convinced me to go to the meeting with him. It’s a long story: I was still too tired and I wasn’t really ready to end my break from everybody yet but Junior really wanted me to be there and I guess some part of me wanted to be there too. So I went and it was good.

Later that night, though. After I’ve gone home to go to bed, MR (formerly known as R) was there and he wanted to go out. He said he was going to meet up with 2 guys he’s been emailing with from Craigslist. Lets call them BL and CR. I didn’t really want to go but he insisted and I was worried about letting my wingman go meet two anonymous guys from the internet. We had a good time. We went, drank a bit, and danced a bit too. It turns out that I knew the both of them from PI before. They just both left because of JJ. I was worried that they weren’t really cool with me because JJ is my best friend but they were chill with it. We all decided that we were going to hang out the next night.

So Friday night, I’m too tired from class to really want to go out. So I called LD (formerly known just as L) to see if he wanted to hang out with just me. He somehow got to invite himself with what MR and I had planned out. Now I really felt like I had to go.

I’m really too tired to go back and relive the whole night by writing it over again so I’ll just post the letter I wrote to LD.

Okay I just have to say this.

What you did on Friday night was just such an asshole thing to do. I can’t even figure out what feeling I feel the most about it: embarrassed, insulted, pissed off or frustrated.

First off, you attack me with all those twenty questions and you insult my passion for helping others and my authenticity when I do so. And you bring that into the way I use that for listening emphatically with our friends. That’s fucking insulting my goddamn friendship while I have been an EXCEPTIONAL friend to you. And that whole conversation, by the way, was in no way related to what I said to fucking burst out that floodgate from you. It was totally unnecessary and unrelated from the original conversation. Whether or not you intended that, that’s what fucking happened and it brought me to an emotional state where I was just a mess. You saw it.

Now, that’s something I can understand and I can forgive you for. But after that, after I’ve composed myself enough to join in with the rest of you, you start grinding up to BL, and even start making out with him right in front of my face. And although that’s really minuscule and I really wasn’t bothered by it, it does not even compare to watching you later that night making out, dry humping and even getting a blowjob RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE!

I am not angry at all that you did that. I don’t really care what you did. But you did it right in front of my fucking face. You did something that you knew would bother me after you’ve already verbally beaten me into submission. You fucking insult me and single me out and THEN YOU HUMILIATE ME?! And don’t you even dare say that you didn’t know that that would bother me because we already had a conversation on how something like that with VB (formerly known as V) made me decide to take a break from you.

We even had a whole conversation on what the break was like for you. Did you even take into consideration what it was like for me?!

And god, what was with that last comment you said right before MR and I left. I had to fucking leave that place and you just couldn’t just let me say sorry to BL and CR, could you? Even MR, as drunk as he was, noticed how lame that was. By the way, I was going to go take a taxi. I just stepped outside to talk to MR a bit and he insisted that he would take me home.

I just am so confused and so frustrated about it. How could you do something that you know bothered me so much right in front of my face after you’ve put me in such a horrible mental and emotional state that you caused. And to not even address it, to not even say anything about it, to not even look at me… I would’ve never done that to you. I would have never done that to any of my friends. What you did to me was no better than what Junior does to all the people he fucked over. The same thing that brought DZ (formerly known as Z), BM, AN, CR and BL to such toxic bitterness towards JJ. It’s hard to believe that you don’t have any malice for me if you have that much passive aggression towards me.

I want you to know how frustrated I am. I still choose to keep my loyalty and not share this with everyone and that is so hard. You’re everywhere in this town. I’ve integrated you so much into my life, especially my social life, that I cannot leave you and expect that that’s all that I’m leaving. You've won over my friends, you've won over PI. God, they even replaced me. Do you know how hard this is?

I’m having such doubts about your friendship. I have been spending the past few weeks grieving over the infatuation and figuring out where should I place you in my life. I brought you into my social circle and my life. I haven’t let you really in to who I am but I have let you in more than most people. And never in that process have I shown such aggression to you. Goddamnit, it was fucking hard and it fucking hurt but I have been nothing LESS than authentic and compassionate to you throughout all that.

And one more thing, don’t you dare turn out some lame excuse like the alcohol or miscommunication because I know you’re both smarter and sharper than that. You were also not that drunk that night. And do not blame this on the curse you mentioned to me. I was not insulted and humiliated by a curse, I was hurt by you. And do not patronize my intellect again and use that as an excuse as to why you can treat me like that. Do you really think that I’m that stupid that I would not recognize what’s going on?




If you came this far in reading this, well, I’d like you to know that I still choose to be your friend and I want you to know why.
I choose to still befriend you because I am a very loyal person.
I choose to still befriend you because I know that I cannot run away from you.
I still choose to befriend you because we share many friends and I care for them very deeply.
I choose to still befriend you because I made a promise to both you and myself that I would treat you with the utmost integrity that I could – when BL first pulled down your underwear and when he did it with everyone else watching, I looked away.
I choose to still befriend you because I refuse to accept that all the effort I put into this friendship is going to waste just because I
I choose to befriend you because I refuse to become so affected and so bitter by this.

I choose to still be your friend and to start forgiving you for this but you need to know what you did to me, regardless of whether or not you intended it.

D’ken

# posted by D'ken the Intern | 12:20 PM

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