I've been feeling so lonely today. Friday Night at The Drive-In Bingo
I always dreamed that if I should die, I'd wake up to the countryside under a tree. I'd wake up and someone to love would find me there. He'd have a funny straw hat and he'd bring me sunflowers. We'd talk until it the very dark of night, when we wouldn't see anything anymore. Then we'd embrace until I dozed off to sleep for the final time.
In a tiny, tiny southern Swedish country town,
Two acres of fieldand a gas station
Riding on my moped, looking for fun
Staring into the blood red sun
On the country road is a boulevard
With neon lights and night open bars
In my jacket, a pack of playing cards
Just Jacks,Jokers, and The Queen of Hearts
My heart is beating, beating like Ringo
As I pull into the drive-in bingo
Why do the people in the country wanna look like the people in the city
When the people in the city aren't the slightest pretty
I want the people in the country to wear flannel shirts
And saggy jeans all covered in dirt
I want the people in the country to be open and kind
But most times I've met those with a narrow mind
With a big black dog to bite your behind
If they ever find out you're not one of their kind
All these thoughts as I open up a zingo
Friday night at the drive-in bingo
So this is what they do out here for fun?
They play bingo and let their engines run?
Tonight's jackpot is a pig. Hey, that's criminal!
G-42! Ooh, I'm going diagonal!
I'm gonna gather up a few of my friends
As many fits into an army tent
Just bring our savings and a bottle of wine
To the Friday night's reversal of time!
This little south-west village shouldn't cost that much
Maybe a handful of silver or a hundred bucks
We could have wild, wild parties in that big old lodge
And the windmill's perfect for movies and such
We could fake our deaths to get insurance money
And take on hippie names. I'd be Snowphish, you'd be Sunny
We could start a little farm with little white bunnies
Just cause watching them copulate is very funny
There's a cow and an ostrich just waiting for you!
A glass of apple cider just waiting for you!
The smell of 1952 just waiting for you!
And all I'm doing here is just waiting for you...
A daydream, I'm caught up in limbo
Friday night at the drive-in bingo
~Jens Lekman, Night Falls Over Kortedala
I always feel like crying at the last part of the song.
>>
M Domondon
September 3, 1988
Santa Rosa, CA
>>Graphic Designer
Peer Counselor
Self-Proclaimed Genius
2 Comments:
Hey Michael,
Sorry you're feeling so lonely today. Some days are like that... :-(
After reading your blog for a while, I'm curious to hear what it is you're looking for in order to end this loneliness. I've read some of your earlier posts where you talk about wanting someone to wake up next to in bed. This blog post talks about waking up to find someone under a tree whom you could talk to and who would hold you.
But clearly you're looking for more than that. If you just wanted someone to hold you and be sweet to you, that wouldn't be all that hard to find. Placing a listing in Craigslist saying you're "A 19 year old Asian boy looking for cuddling and conversation..." would absolutely get some takers. I'm sure you know that.
Of course, you sometimes have described yourself as "ugly", but I've seen your Flickr pictures and there are certainly a number of guys out there who would find you quite handsome. I imagine you suspect that, too...
But I'm guessing it can't just be any guy -- that you're wanting a lot more than just someone to hold you in bed and talk with you late into the night -- otherwise you would've filled that slot already. And you say you've decided to accept that "L" isn't the right one either. So, I'm curious what, specifically, you're holding out for -- both in terms of the "shallow" stuff ["He has to look like a DC Wooten model!"] and the more substantial things ["I have to feel listened to, even if he doesn't agree with what I'm saying!"].
As you know, I'm wary of trusting fantasies for information about what's right for me. And while being flexible is good (and ultimately necessary), I find that being specific can actually help make my dreams into reality. Finding "someone to wake up next to" can't really guide me in my search, finding "someone close to my age, a lover of watching tennis on TV, someone who believes absolutely in monogamy and is a fellow student of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" might start giving me some ideas of places to look -- and places not to...
So, specifically speaking, what are you looking for in a guy to end this loneliness?
By
Anonymous, at September 20, 2007 at 10:23 PM
So, you haven't posted in a little bit -- you doing ok?
By
Anonymous, at September 26, 2007 at 12:14 AM
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