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Originally uploaded by rob.roy is not a good boy

I just feel beaten up. I feel like it’s just been too much. I don’t even really know if I can write this down. I’m so messed up. Every time I want to go and write something online something happens and it’s just building up. So much has happened and I don’t want to deal with so much and I just can’t. I just can’t.

I’m just hurt. I’m hurt and I just really want to escape. I don’t want to face anyone right now. And I just don’t want to do it anymore. It’s too much. I don’t want this I don’t want this I don’t want this. Why? Why? Why must I just stay here and be hurt while I see myself just getting hurt. Why must I be this way? It’s too much, just too much. I don’t want this and I’m just caught, caught in the middle. I feel so emo. God, look at this, it’s pathetic. I’m so pathetic and I live with it. I don’t want to live with it. No, that’s a lie. I want to live with it. That’s why it hasn’t gone away. That’s why I’m fucking still writing about this even when I’m just like this. I hate this. And this is because I’m just so fucking pathetic. Look at how pathetic I am. See how it’s the same goddamn thing that’s causing all of this and how I’m such a loser. I haven’t learned my lesson and I’m paying for it. And I deserve this. I hate it but really I don’t because I brought this upon me. Because I’m pathetic. God this is such mindless shit. Why do I do this to myself? I’m so pathetic.

I’m just too foolish. Too ambitious, that’s it. I want too much. I don’t deserve what I want and I just don’t get that. It’s stupid, what I do. I’m so stupid. And it’s stupid how I just keep letting this go on. I’m writing this and posting this online. What does that say? It says that I’m pathetic, that’s what. I’m so pathetic that I have to have a blog to write what I have to say so that I can get attention. That’s it. Attention. I’m just hungry for attention because I’m immature and stupid and pathetic.

I hate you Michael, I hate you so much. You did this to us. You did this to us and now look where we are you fat stupid pathetic fuck. You’re so stupid, I hate you I hate you I hate you. You don’t even deserve to die and have a proper suicide. You deserve to go through this pain and so much more. So live, stupid fuck. Live until you go and get so much pain that you start to enjoy it. Yeah, put this little thing online and show everyone cause they need to see how fucking crazy you are. That’s what you are, bitch, crazy. And they need to know it. HE needs to know it. He probably already does. And he’s laughing at you, all of them are. Just look at you, ugly and pathetic. I’m so disgusted by you. I hate you.

# posted by D'ken the Intern | 9:26 PM

1 Comments:

• I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. You said you wrote that in part for attention, so I'm giving you some. There are no magic words that I could write that would make things better for you. All I can do is remind you of what you said in your own voice before:
  
  Everything changes.
  
  You will grow and things will get better.
  
  This voice of hate is just one voice inside you. It's had its say. What do the other voices say? What would you say to your best friend if he came to you with this?

  By  Anonymous, at September 9, 2007 at 11:22 PM  

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